What do you think if this poem i wrote? - do mexican wedding blood tests test for herpes
I have read in class or what to add, I think of the poem, if u think we should, or that I am doing something wrong, tell me.
I am
I'm from the wedding photo of my family.
I am the Mexican flag has the colors green, white and red.
I am the blood of my ancestors, the clear skin or dark skin, which usually had a small farm that had horses, chickens, cows, chickens, dogs, birds, cats and donkeys.
I come from a family that always wrestling and football and just cried the whole time, if your loss.
I bet the whole time with my family for money.
I'm in my room listening to music until my father called down the music.
I come from a family that never remembers very well the other.
I'm in the fight against the wITH my sister and my younger brother. I am the way from Long Beach.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Do Mexican Wedding Blood Tests Test For Herpes What Do You Think If This Poem I Wrote?
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9 comments:
I like it. Some changes would improve the blood circulation.
First Acesforpal is wrong. Spelling is very good. You have problems of grammar. With "su" to "are" changing homophones. Words that are similar but spelled differently and mean different things. It is necessary, "as is".
Secondly, the last line, you have the "form" a "from".
Third, you change this line:
I come from a family that never remembers very well the other.
Fourth, to share the fourth row, I am blood ... better on both lines. Such a thing could work:
I am the blood of my ancestors that are easily and dark skin.
I am among those who had a small FArm with horses, chickens, cows, chickens, dogs, birds, cats and donkeys.
Furthermore, it is grammatically correct to say, fair-skinned and dark. The other way is pretty well off, and it is a fact that a person can be both.
Fifth, the line is on the wedding photo of the line, I do not understand. How are the wedding photos?
I love your poem. That says a lot about its history and personality of your family. You can get positive things in your immediate family connections. You begin your story is very proud. Then he speaks of the struggle, the screams, games and neglect. Finally, he ends with Long Beach. Are there other positive things that can be added? Does your family traditionsYou practice? They have a large family? Does your family has a church that is very active in? Are there any memories of the events that your family, like 50 birthdays, a lodging for a soldier, a student in a specific area? Think of positive things that make your family unique and there. I think the only really take off the poem.
Do not let yourself from any criticism that you get to know you. A poet is a creator who has expressive skills. If that does not help, do not forget who published this poem:
A shaft position.
The meaning and inspiration are very admirable, but the subway is really terrible. Try pouring a little more. Some of these lines and still operate effectively.
Like a poem --- not so hot. Like a stream of consciousness --- the greatest work of art. You are on the right track. Keep these in a journal until his writing for adults and then use it as a major theme for the character development.
I think it is very beautiful. In fact, it is extraordinary!
A good poem, like yours, you do not have all the features of some of the people who sell from the top hit.
There are different kinds of poems. Many, many. Yours is good!
Read the class the way it is. I am 71 years old and would be proud, always written as a poem.
You can be proud of.
Seen Wrestling --
crying all the time they lose
Music
like the others.
Long Beach
That is all I can do, otherwise a good poem is.
Good luck.
Elaine
It's a bit strange. It is not really flowing, it is really exciting.
Among many ideas, so little time .... I am also a writer, take this as a suggestion, criticism. ")
I am
I am the wedding portrait of the family
I am the Mexican flag in green, red and white
I am the blood of my ancestors, and dark skin
I am the cane farm with large and small animals
I am a caring family of football and wrestling to cry when they lose
I'm in Paris with them money
I'm down in my room with loud music until Dad yells turn
I fight with my sister and my brother
I come from a family that he never accepted, and the other
I am
I do not understand the long-distance thing, seems a strange way, a poem to an end. Although I do notwhat the assignment! I hope that helped you in an interesting, try a bit of text. Aloud to you and see if everything goes well, as you want. Good luck!
Nice, but a bit awkward. They need to work out about the spelling too.
Its = ownership of the people.
You're = they are.
I had to write a poem, and I read in my class this year is too large and ...... very affectionate
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